


Anxiety and Adrenaline

by DipShame (RosieG)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, No Spoilers for II, Tour Bus, but i can't compromise the alliteration, interactive introverts tour, just introspection, there's no real anxiety in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 18:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15297780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosieG/pseuds/DipShame
Summary: The one where Phil sees Dan sleeping on the tour bus and starts thinking





	Anxiety and Adrenaline

Clambering out of his bunk, desperate for a glass of cold water, Phil became acutely aware that Dan had forgotten to draw the curtain to his bed.

Phil should have looked away, but his eyes were glued to Dan's naked torso.

Dan, thankfully fast asleep, was clad in nothing but his boxers and the duvet he had was doing nothing to cover him up, only on his body over one leg. Phil's eyes traveled down Dan's bare chest, rising and falling peacefully, Dan's hand softly resting on his lower stomach. Phil glanced at the hand and caught himself wishing that was his own hand touching Dan's soft skin. He glanced at the place where the pyjama bottoms met skin and his eyes snapped away in shame settling back on Dan's face.

His sleep hazy brain was finally catching up to him. He was checking Dan out.

Face flushed red, he studied Dan's face. Dan's mouth was hanging open slightly, his breath deep. Phil found himself smiling softly at how peaceful Dan looked. The stress of the tour and the general anxiety about life hadn't caught up with him in tonights dreams.

There were a few beads of sweat on his brow from the heat.

(There was supposedly an air conditioning system in the bus, but cram ten people into a small enclosed space and you've got yourself a sauna.)

Phil kept watching Dan's face, a few curls were hanging down and clinging to the sweat on his forehead. He looked so tranquil, so beautiful, and Phil felt his face go impossibly redder in shame. He should just close the curtain, but it was as if time stood still as he watched Dan sleeping. He rarely saw Dan like this, so open, so vulnerable and he wanted to commit every little detail to memory. He unconsciouly reached a hand to swipe the curls off of Dan's face but stopped his hand in shock when the warm air from the younger man's breath hit his hand. He withdrew his hand quickly and let out a small gasp. His panic only grew when there was a stutter in Dan's even breathing and Phil quickly drew the curtains closed to Dan's bed and dived into his own bed, all thoughts of getting water forgotten.

He listened carefully for any sign of Dan shifting above him, but all the noises of the bus were muffled by the blood rushing in his ears.

 

Phil woke up late the next morning, having taken a long time to fall asleep. He swung his legs out of the bunk and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. There was a smell of coffee in the air and a soft bustle of people in the front room of the bus. Phil stretched his arms out in front of him and then got to his feet. He glanced at Dan's bunk, where the curtains were now open, but there was no Dan in there. Phil ducked his head at the memory of Dan's sleeping form, as he grabbed his toiletaries and strode to the small bathroom. He washed his face, brushed his teeth and put in his contacts, not bothering to change out of his pyjamas. He was still sticky with sleep, pulling skinny jeans on would be a battle.

Phil headed to the kitchen space, finding Dan sitting with his back to the front at the table, scrolling on his laptop.

"Morning, I made you coffee, but you took a while to get up, so it might be cold", Dan said, not looking up from the screen. He had been up for a while then. Dan was never this articulate before being awake for at least an hour.

Phil sat down and muttered a quiet thanks, taking a sip from the now room temperature coffee. He grimaced a little.

"I did warn you", Dan chuckled, finally looking up from his computer.

"Mmh", Phil managed, opening the screen lock on his phone. Sipping his tepid coffee as he scrolled through twitter, he found himself smiling softly at the thought of Dan actually making him coffee, something that was completely mundane, and every day occurance when they were at home, but it felt special here. Why did it feel so special?

"What's got you smiling at twitter?" Dan asked, glancing over top of his laptop.

"Someone just said they enjoyed the show yesterday", Phil answered quickly, reading out the first tweet open on his screen. Dan beamed happily.

"That's really good. I'm glad people are having fun", Dan said, "I'm really proud of us you know, this could have been a complete disaster"

Phil smiled back softly, "You and your doomsday thinking... But I'm proud of us too"

Dan smiled back so wide, Phil felt his heartbeat stutter.

 

Arriving at a hotel meant lazy milling out of the bus, lugging bags and waiting in the lobby. After a good half an hour of waiting Dan and Phil were finally entering an elevator with their keycards in hand. Phil already felt exhausted, the warm heat of southern USA was making him feel lethargic.

"Want to meet me in the lobby for lunch in an hour?" Dan asked as the elevator doors opened on their floor. Phil nodded absently.

They shuffled down the corridor to their respective neighbouring rooms and Phil entered the sweet cool, _air conditioned room_ , glad to be in a space all for his own again. A space that wasn't moving.

 

He opened his suitcase and started looking through his clothes. When had he started hating everything he owned? He sighed and pulled on ripped jeans and a red plaid shirt, this would have to do. Phil moved in front of the mirror and started fixing his quiff. He then suddenly came to the realisation that he was grooming himself as though he was going on a date. _It's only Dan_ he reminded himself.

Just a lunch with Dan, Dan who he lived with, and who had seen him at all stages of his dress and undress, bleary from sleep or ready to go to a red carpet.

At his best and worst. So why was it suddenly so important for him to look good for a simple lunch date.

Phil's mind flickered back to Dan sleeping in the bunk, and how much he had wanted to touch Dan then. Phil shook his head and glanced at himself. Was sit so bad to make an effort for a friend? He sighed softly and glanced at himself in the mirror, nodding his approval, before he flopped on the bed to relax before he'd have to go.

 

He met Dan down in the lobby, Dan seated on a sofa reading through something on his phone. Phil stopped in front of Dan and smiled.

"Shall we?"

"Yep", Dan pocketed his phone and they left together to find some place to eat. They quickly found a small Indian place and they sat down in a corner booth.

"I really miss your Indian", Phil hummed as he read through the menu, deciding on some chicken, "Don't know what it is about it, but you just make it like no one else."

Dan's eyes crinkled as he smiled, "I'll definitely make some when we get home. Might even make a cooking video, It would definitely pan out better than any baking video we've ever done"

They chatted as they were waiting for food, about nothing and everything and when the food did arrive an amicable silence fell as they ate.

To Phil's dismay, all he could think about was how his meal could never compare to Dan's cooking.

 

"What are we doing in the evening", Dan asked Phil as they were walking back to the hotel.

"Oh, dinner I suppose?" Phil shrugged, "Aren't you tired of me yet?"

"So close to it, Lester, you know I secretly hate you" Phil pouted at Dan, who could barely keep a fake face of disgust on him.

"No you don't", Phil found himself smiling. Dan's face broke into a soft smile, confirming his words.

 

Phil was laying on his bed, waiting for dinner when there were simultaneously a faint knock on the his door and a chime on his phone. He got up and looked at the message, that was from Dan, which just said, "It me"

Phil opened the door and stepped aside to let Dan in. Dan headed to sit on the edge of the bed and Phil closed the door before sitting down on an chair that was in the corner of the room.

Dan turned slightly to look at Phil and looked as though he might say something but Phil rushed to beat him to it.

"What brings you to my humble abode?" Phil asked, Dan clearly thrown off.

"Oh, I guess I just wanted to hang, see if maybe we'd bounce around some ideas for on the road gaming videos." Phil nodded. Work stuff was good, normal, safe.

"You know I was kidding earlier when I said I hated you", Dan said suddenly, "You've been a shadow of yourself all day, are you coming down with something?"

Phil shook his head, "I'm fine, sorry, just slept bad, I think."

"Go to sleep extra early today then, tomorrow's show day", Dan said and Phil bit his lip to keep his face from showing the bitterness that had exploded in his mind. Of course Dan only cared about him because of the fans.

"I'll be my energetic self tomorrow, don't worry", He can barely keep the slow anger out of his voice, "You know what, I think I'm just gonna get room service and turn in after"

Dan's face furrows at that. "Come on Phil, you're not five, don't get mad at me, I'm just worried about you."

Phil wants to laugh at this, Dan's not worried about him. He's worried about their fans and the tour. Instead of answering Phil grabbed the room service menu and started looking through it.

"Phil!" Phil didn't even look up, just kept rifling through his options. Dan sighed and got up.

"Good night then I suppose. I just don't know what I did. I though we were past pettiness", Dan got up and walked to the door slowly, to give Phil time to respond. Phil kept staring intently at the menu and soon the door clicked close.

Phil let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

He was acting like an absolute child and he knew it.

All because he had seen Dan sleeping and he had realised something.

He liked Dan.

And there was no way in hell Dan could ever like him back.

 

The next morning Phil went down to the hotel breakfast buffet, gathering a plateful of food before looking for anyone from their crew. He found Dan in corner, eating cereal while scrolling on his phone. Phil's heart started pounding harder as he started walking to Dan's table.

"Good morning", Phil said quietly, sitting down across from Dan.

Dan set his phone down. "Oh we're talking again?", Dan spat in an equally quiet voice. Phil bit his lip and looked into Dan's eyes a little desperately.

"I'm sorry for yesterday... I was tired and was going through something and you didn't deserve me taking it out on you", Phil said quietly.

Dan sighed. "No, I really didn't. You need to sort yourself out before the meet and greet", Dan said, turning back to his cereal.

Phil felt a fire rising up his neck. "Right. For the fans.", Phil said tersely.

"If not for yourself than at least for the fans", Dan answered, "You can talk to me you know that right?"

Phil sipped his coffee and looked away from Dan's face, "Right."

Dan and Phil finished their breakfast in silence and parted ways still not having exchanged any more words. Phil felt terrible.

 

 

After the meet and greet at the venue, Phil found that he couldn't keep avoiding Dan, as they were doing sound checks, testing their microphones and blocking places on the stage for about an hour before they could return to their dressing room.

"Are we alright?" Dan asked quietly when they sat down on the small sofa. Phil gnawed on his lip gently.

"I think so... I just, I've been in my head a lot."

"Tell me?" Dan cocked his head, "I'm a pretty good listener."

"I know, I just don't think it's something you can help me with", Phil sighed and let himself slouch.

Dan watched Phil's face carefully. "I wish I could help."

"I know"

 

The hour before the show was always hectic. They had changed into their show clothing and were passed around the crew, make up then microphones and then waiting for the show to begin.Phil felt jittery, he always did before a show.

Dan just kept pacing. Phil allowed himself to watch Dan, but it was shortlived as the last song before they went on played in the venue. They were ushered backstage and then the show began.

 

The show went by in blur. Phil couldn't hold on to many moments as they happened, but when intermission began, he could remember laughing and joking with Dan. Dan beaming at the crowd, at _him._ Dan just talking, Dan standing close to him. Dan, Dan, _Dan_. Phil chuckled softly, still full of adrenaline. Dan smiled too.

"It's going great, right?" Dan pulled Phil into a hug and suddenly Phil was in a sensory overload of Dan. His scent, his body pulled close.

"Yeah, they're really enjyoing it", Phil answered and held onto Dan tight.

 

 

The second half went by even faster and before Phil could even process it, they were waving their goodbyes to the crowd. They stumbled off stage together and Phil collapsed in the nearest chair. Dan had the tech guy taking off his microphone and he was studying Phil.

"That was a fun show", Dan said softly, as if in an afterhaze. Phil nodded and got up when the tech guy started taking off his microphone.

"Yeah", he smiled, still catching his breath, but filled with a sudden confidence, "You were amazing. You always are on stage. And off for that matter. You're just amazing." Time stood still. Phil felt his heart hammering in his throat and he looked into Dan's eyes as Dan looked back.

"Phil... You're pretty amazing too", Dan said, voice thick. There was a bustle of the crew around them but neither of them noticed. They were too busy looking into each other's eyes. Phil wasn't sure which one of them leaned in first but before he could process it, their lips were meeting. Phil let himself revel in the moment before pulling back, as if scorched.

"Dan?" He squeaked quietly. The crew had stopped. Everyone was staring at them and Phil's eyes fluttered around the room before settling back on Dan.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry Phil!" Phil could feel his heart deflating at those five words. '

"Me too", He was quick to say, "I didn't meant to, I thought I could control myself and my dumb feelings but, I... mmph!" Dan was kissing him again. Phil's eyes closed and he wrapped his arms around Dan as Dan did the same. Dan was kissing him. Dan wanted to kiss him.

Phil's brain was going into full shut down with the only comprehendable thoughts were, _I'm kissing Daniel Howell._ They broke away too soon.

"I didn't read this wrong did I?" Dan asked, "It's not just a high on adrenaline thing, is it?"

Phil shook his head, "No I... it's not."

Dan leaned his forehead on Phil's.

"Good."

 

That night they were laying face to face on Phil's queen sized bed in his hotel room. Dan had a hand on his hip and Phil his fingers tangled into Dan's curls.

Phil told him about the bus incident and Dan just laughed.

"You should have just touched me, I was dreaming about it anyway."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote half of this at work and half of it at home and I'm still not as happy with is as I could be but I hope you enjoyed the trash.
> 
> I'm also in like desperate need of phandom friends, so if anyone wants new friends, I'm @kitipallo on twitter.


End file.
